


To the Ends of the World

by wrightworth



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, Drama, F/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-11-19 16:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18138260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrightworth/pseuds/wrightworth
Summary: No matter what he did, she would follow him to the ends of the earth. Maybe even farther.darvey childhood friends/neighbors au. canon compliant & quotes canon. spoiler/content warnings before each chapter.





	1. The Meeting, Fall 1983

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Donna meet for the first time.  
> [no spoilers | safe for work]

Basketballs and jump ropes hit the pavement as children ran in circles on the playground. Girls sang nursery rhymes as they skipped and boys threw mulch. Donna, shifting her body to and fro as she rode on the swings, stared at the sky and imagined what it would be like if she were to jump off and fly.

It was Donna’s second year of elementary school, and she loved it. School was fun; all they did was arithmetic and read stories. She would often brag to her parents’ friends that, even though she was six, she could read chapter books without pictures. Donna was at the top of her class and was even a tree in the school play. She wanted to be a star on Broadway, but first, she knew, she had to accept the small roles to hit it big.

A sharp, piercing sound interrupted Donna’s imagination. She snapped back into the present. The teacher had blown her whistle indicating that it was time to go inside. Her classmates began to line up in an orderly fashion. She hopped off the swing, landing on her feet with grace, and ran to join her peers moving slowly, dreading that they had to go inside and learn.

 

Donna and the other students sat down at their desks, quietly chattering amongst themselves, waiting for the teacher to come back in after rounding up all the kids. The class quieted down when she entered, but they were all surprised to see her with someone else. They curiously stared at a boy, who smiled brightly at all of them.

“This is our new classmate,” Mrs. Williams began, “his name is Harvey Specter. Won’t you say hello, Harvey?” She tapped him on his back and gently nudged him forward to talk to the class.

The young boy walked forward and stood in front of the class, with a confident smile and declared, “Harvey Specter. My dad is the great musician, Gordon Specter!” Students nodded excitedly and let “oohs and aahs” escape their lips. It wasn’t every day that the average town of Riverside, New York had a famous person as a resident.

Harvey grinned, “I love baseball, and one day I’m going to be the best baseball player the world’s ever seen!”

“You’ll be better than Tom Seaver?” a student asked, as Mrs. Williams gave him a glare for not raising his hand, “My dad says there’s no one better than Tom Seaver!”

Harvey grinned and nodded his head excitedly, “You should get my autograph now because I’m going to be the best of the best!” He mimicked hitting a baseball with an imaginary bat and the class clapped.

The teacher laughed as she looked around for an open seat for Harvey. “Thank you for the wonderful introduction, Harvey. We can’t wait to see you in the big leagues! Why don’t you go sit next to Donna? Say hi, Donna.”

Donna lifted her head from the book that she was reading to see Harvey walking towards her, and she gave him a thin smile.

“Hello,” the girl said, “I’m Donna.”

Harvey nodded his head and smiled happily.

“I’m Harvey. Harvey Specter.”

“I know.”

He laughed, a full belly laugh as if what she had said was the best joke in the world.

“I like you, Donna. You’re funny!”

“A lot of people say that.”

* * *

 The school bell rang, and kids ran out of the school in hordes. Donna, with her bright pink backpack adorned with a unicorn with sparkles, strolled out of the school to where her mother waited for her. Her mother was speaking to another woman, who looked slightly younger, with long, brown hair. Donna approached her mother with a hug.

“Hello, Sunshine! How was school today?” Donna’s mother asked, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “This is Mrs. Specter, she’s new to the neighborhood. I walked with her to school today. She’s picking up her son.”

Donna’s mom gestured to Mrs. Specter, and the woman gave the girl a small wave.

“Are you Harvey’s mom?” Donna asked.

The woman laughed, “Why yes, darling! How’d you know?”

Before Donna could answer, Harvey responded as he came up to join the little group.

“She sits next to me in class.”

Donna’s mother gasped as she bent down to pat Harvey’s head.

“Look at you! You’re so adorable and you look _just_ like your mother! I’m Donna’s mom. You’re our neighbor! We’re all walking home together today.”

Harvey smiled and looked at Donna.

“I think being neighbors will be awesome.”

* * *

 Once Donna was home, she sat down at the kitchen table and began to do her homework. It was an easy assignment, simple addition and subtraction problems. Nothing she couldn’t do. Mrs. Paulsen placed cookies beside her daughter and sat down, tucking a piece of Donna’s stray, red hair behind her ear.

“Look at my hardworking little girl! Mommy’s so proud of you.”

Donna blushed and murmured, “I’m just doing my homework, mom.”

“I know, but you could be out playing instead. Look outside, Harvey is playing baseball with his brother. I don’t suppose you’ll join them?”

“I won’t, mom. I don’t like baseball. I’d rather play on the swings.”

“Come on, Donna, you should get to know him. He seems like a sweet boy.”

“Maybe later.”

“Not maybe, you will. Come on,” she took Donna’s pencil and placed it down. “I can’t believe I have to _force_ you to go out and play!”

With a push, Donna was out of the door and staring at the Specter brothers from her driveway. Almost immediately, Harvey caught Donna’s eye and grinned. He dropped his baseball bat and waved at the redhead, gesturing for her to come and play.

“We’re hitting baseballs! Come over, Donna, I’ll show you how to play!”

The girl sighed as she walked down her driveway, picking up his baseball bat. The three spent the rest of the evening with Donna being taught how to pitch and hit a baseball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donna would be a softball queen and y'all know it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please check out the rest of my writing and follow me on [Twitter (@nidavellir_)](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_).  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net @ [specterspecial](http://fanfiction.net/~specterspecial).  
> \- Edited and proof-read by my great friend, [Claire,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonhelo) who is responsible for giving me the inspiration to push on in my writing.  
> Dedicated to [Sarah](http://twitter.com/sarahpixiepie).


	2. Dreamers, Summer 1987

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Donna's middle school summer.  
> [no spoilers | safe for work]

Four years had passed since Harvey and Donna had met in second grade. They were in sixth grade, the first year of middle school; she was eleven and he was twelve. The two were inseparable ever since the boy taught her how to pitch a baseball one day after school.

Harvey continued to dream big; he still wanted to be a baseball player, even if other adults frowned upon such a prospect. They always told him that he could do better things, like being a news anchor or even a weatherman with his charming looks. Harvey ignored them all. He played baseball religiously, and Donna watched him do so. Most days, Donna and Harvey would spend their time at the Riverside Community Park, where Harvey would hit balls for hours. Harvey and his brother had found a batting machine thrown into a dumpster at the sports store. It was broken, but not beyond repair; all it took was Mr. Paulsen’s repairman skills to restore it to its former glory. Harvey and Donna even re-painted the machine together. While Harvey hit the baseballs, with the familiar crack of wood hitting rubber over and over again, Donna recited her lines and did her homework. Sometimes, if she was feeling it, she would even pitch a few balls for Harvey.

Donna was no different from Harvey; she never stopped reaching for the stars. She began learning ballet in addition to participating in theater, which occupied her time after spending her afternoons with Harvey. The two would wheel the batting machine home, and once they reached their respective houses, waved each other good night and went off. Donna would eat dinner, recall how many baseballs Harvey had missed that day- each time being less- and then run out to ballet lessons or theater practice. Sometimes, if Harvey was particularly bored, or the Yankees weren’t playing, he would go with her to her dance or theater rehearsals.

The two were equally amazed at each other’s talents, even if they were not particularly interested in their best friend’s hobbies.

Every morning, Donna and Harvey ran around the block for an hour- despite being a ballerina with excellent stamina, Donna despised it- and ate breakfast at the Specters’ house. Sometimes, Mr. Specter would play a song or two on his saxophone or Mrs. Specter would tell a story about her groupie days. Then the two would go to Donna’s house, into her backyard which had an above-ground pool, which could actually be a hot tub too, because Mr. Paulsen had bought one of those fancy water heaters. Sometimes they would go for a swim, but for the most part, Donna would recite her lines as Harvey rocked back and forth on the tire swing.

 

It was August of 1987, the Yankees were taking major hits, which was upsetting to Harvey, but Donna was set to be the main character’s daughter in a play at their local theater, so the two had that going for them.

“Mother, you don’t understand!” Donna declared, with a tear trailing down her cheek, “You’re betraying us! You can’t leave this family for...for  _ him _ !”

Harvey watched as Donna paced around the lawn, making exaggerated gestures as she fake cried. She had been fake crying for over an hour- an impressive feat, he thought.

“How do you do that for so long?”

“I just  _ do _ , Harvey. I’m an actress. Have you forgotten?”

“Fair enough. Carry on.”

The redhead wiped a stray tear from her cheek and rolled her eyes. Sometimes, Harvey could say the stupidest things.

“Forget it, my throat is all scratchy from talking for so long. Let’s go inside.”

After reciting lines for hours on end, the two would always go inside and have a snack, courtesy of Jennifer, Donna’s mom, who was often talking with Lily Specter. The two were stay-at-home mothers, so they were always seen in each other’s houses. When Harvey and Donna came in through the sliding door, Mrs. Paulsen greeted them with a smile, like she always did, and went to the fridge to pull out her snack tray.

The snack tray was filled with Oreos, Goldfish, sliced apples, and two glasses of freshly squeezed lemonade. Without fail, the two would gobble down everything but the Oreos, saving the best for last.

“Thank you, Mrs. Paulsen,” Harvey would say, smiling as per usual. He was a charmer, as Donna had discovered through the years.

Once their snack was complete, the two would go their separate ways. When Harvey’s mom was there, she would take him home, and when she wasn’t, Harvey would go home himself. Donna often had to go to her lessons or rehearsal.

* * *

 

As summer came to an end, Donna’s performances began at the local theater. Before each show, Harvey would sit with her backstage to help her get her nerves down.

(If Donna had to be honest, she was never nervous- she was  _ Donna _ \- Donna doesn’t get nervous. She just liked Harvey’s company. Plus, if she didn’t at least pretend that she was scared, Harvey wouldn’t come to see her show at all.)

The two had created a ritual to get Donna’s mind off of the show involving a can opener and thumbtacks: the goal was to hit five thumbtacks with the can opener, and whoever the first to get five was would pick the movie they saw at the cinema that weekend. For the most part, none of them got to five, but the few times that one of them did, it usually was Harvey. Last time either of them had won their little game was at the beginning of the year, for Donna’s previous play, she was a side character in a Shakespeare play- and Donna was forced to watch  _ Masters of the Universe _ . It wasn’t  _ that _ bad, but if Donna had to watch another superhero film, she would rather be dead. Superhero movies were a fad that wouldn’t last, she thought.

Donna really wanted to watch  _ The Princess Bride _ , but it didn’t involve shooting or any violence, so unless she won, Harvey would never watch it. So she was determined to win the game this one time.

“You think you’re going to hit it, Paulsen?” Harvey grinned as he fiddled with the thumbtack in his hand, “the last time you hit one was during your musical audition.”

The redhead rolled her eyes and readied the can opener. “I got this. Come at me, Babe Ruth.”

_ Thwack! _

She hit it! All she needed was four more.

“We’re seeing The Princess Bride whether or not you like it, Harvey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one goes out to all the dreamers at sea / k.flay "dreamers"  
> *every chapter title is a song :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please check out the rest of my writing and follow me on [Twitter (@nidavellir_)](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_).  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net @ [specterspecial](http://fanfiction.net/~specterspecial).  
> \- Edited and proof-read by my great friend, [Claire,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonhelo) who is responsible for giving me the inspiration to push on in my writing.  
> Dedicated to [Sarah](http://twitter.com/sarahpixiepie).


	3. Somebody Else, Winter 1992

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey finds out his mother's secret.  
> [no spoilers | cheating/affairs ]

Snow covered the ground and Harvey couldn’t make the trip home from Donna’s house. Although they were neighbors in the past, they now lived a thirty minute bike ride apart. Donna’s parents had separated in ‘89, because of her father’s poor investment choices. He gambled with his investments, throwing away their life’s savings. The rest of the Paulsens took the fall for his shortcomings. Donna’s mother moved her family to the other side of town, and her father moved to Connecticut, far, far away from the rest of them. Luckily, the distance between Harvey’s house and Donna’s didn’t stop him from biking over at least once a week. Unfortunately, it was the same stroke of luck that prevented him from going home tonight.

He had tried to bike home for about three minutes before realizing that the ice made his bike’s wheels slide. Harvey turned back and made his way to the Paulsens’. Once he was at the door, he stuffed his freezing fingers in his pockets trying to find the house key. After the horrible divorce, the Specter boys took care of Mrs. Paulsen’s new home and Donna while Mrs. Specter whisked Donna’s mom off for a much-needed vacation. The key was given to him permanently- as a reminder of Mrs. Paulsen’s thanks and the fact that he would always be welcomed in their home.

Once he found the key, he grinned in satisfaction as he unlocked the door. He took off his snow-soaked socks and shoes, gently placing them on the rug so he would not wet the floor, and went into the kitchen. Mrs. Paulsen was there, mixing a bowl of brownie batter, surprised to see that Harvey had returned.

“Not going home, I take it?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Harvey murmured, embarrassed, “Do you mind if I sleep in the spare room?”

Mrs. Paulsen smiled warmly, “Of course. It’s hardly a spare- it’s practically yours.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. Thanks for letting me keep my stuff here.”

“It’s no problem, Harvey. Don’t forget to call your mother before you go to sleep, so she won’t be worried.”

He nodded and made his way upstairs to change his clothes.

 

Harvey stayed over at the Paulsens’ a lot, not always because he had trouble with the weather, but because it was always better at the Paulsens’. His father was rarely home; he was always recording with his jazz group. At this moment, he was off in New York City making a new album about love at first sight. He was calling it _Lily_ , after his wife. As for Harvey’s mother, she was always out and about. She would go to concerts, parties, and practically any event if it meant that she wouldn’t be home- she wasn’t much of a homebody. Marcus, Harvey’s younger brother, was always out with friends just like their mom. Harvey was left alone almost every night. The Paulsen household was different- it was welcoming and friendly. Even if it was only Donna and Jennifer- Donna’s mom, they always treated Harvey as their own. Donna would watch the latest show Harvey was obsessed with quoting while Mrs. Paulsen would help him with his homework. It felt like the Paulsens were his real family at times. They filled the empty house with compassion and care.

 

After changing into his pajamas, which were baggy sweatpants and an old baseball t-shirt, he headed over to Donna’s room. The redhead’s door was closed, but Harvey could hear her reciting her lines through the door. Donna jumped in surprise when he opened the door without announcing himself. It was like she had seen a ghost.

Her eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights, and her eyebrows raised in confusion, she asked, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be biking yourself home?”

“It’s _way_ too cold for that,” Harvey sassily rebuked, as he entered the threshold of the redhead’s room. She kept her room in pristine condition, save for the thousands of playbills hanging on the walls.

She scoffed, “So? I don’t want to see your dumb face for the rest of the night.”

“Too bad, ‘cause _this_ dumb face is sleeping over,” he grinned.

The redhead laughed and placed her script on her dresser. She knew that if he was sleeping over, that meant she was “forced” to spend more time with him. She grabbed her Yankees’ pullover- something Harvey had gotten her when Mr. Specter finally had the time to take the two of them and Marcus down to the ballpark- and put it on as she left her room.

“Are we watching TV?” she asked, shoving Harvey out of her room as she shut the door. Her room was the only Harvey-free place in the world, she couldn’t have him ruining her sanctuary.

“Duh.”

“What’s on tonight?”

“Star Trek. New episode,” he beamed. Star Trek was his latest fixation.

The two made their way back downstairs, and the smell of brownies filled their noses. Making eye contact, they nodded and headed to the kitchen without an exchange of words. They didn’t need to verbalize their desire for Jennifer’s baked goodies.

Already sitting on the counter was a plateful of brownies. Donna snatched the edge pieces before Harvey could even set his eyes on them. All of his life, Donna always took the best parts of Mrs. Paulsen’s snacks, and he was left with the sad pieces.

 

After taking his disappointing share, Harvey flopped down onto the couch beside Donna with a soft thud and yanked the remote from her. Although she protested, he shushed her as he surfed the channels until he found Star Trek. The two watched the episode and a few reruns of Full House before calling it a night. Eventually, the redhead’s eyes began to droop, and she leaned on Harvey for support. Fortunately for her, the brunet knew she would prefer to sleep on her bed, so he woke her up and forced her to go to bed.

The two said their goodnights as Donna made her way back up to her bedroom while Harvey went to the kitchen and called his mother on her cellphone.

“Hi Jen, what’s up?” Lily asked, as she picked up the phone. A call from the Paulsen landline generally meant that Donna’s mom wanted to chat.  

“Uh. Hey mom, it’s Harvey. I’m not coming home tonight.”

“Oh, _Harvey_ ,” his mother seemed to say with disappointment, “That’s good. I was worried you were going to bike home in the cold. Marcus is at John’s house tonight.”

“What about you? Are you home?” he asked, curious if she had gone out for the night. It wouldn’t be surprising if she had.

“Yeah. I’m not going home tonight either. See you in the morning?”

“I don’t think I’ll be home til later. I want to hang out with Donna some more.”

“If you must, dear. See you in the afternoon, then.”

“Okay,” he said, as he took a glance out the window. It was still snowing. “Stay warm.”

“Will do. You too. Good night, Harvey.”

“Night.”

As he went to hang up the phone, he swore he heard a male voice say “You done baby?”

He shrugged it off. _It could’ve been the TV._

* * *

Snow plows rolled down the streets, clearing the roads and waking him up. Rolling over, he groaned as he opened his eyes. At first, he was confused by his surroundings, but quickly recalled that he had stayed the night at Donna’s. He took a look at the clock; it was half past seven. Usually, he would wake up at six, but he supposed that Mrs. Paulsen’s brownies gave him a restful sleep. They truly tasted like a piece of heaven.

Harvey took a peek out of the window, noticing that the streets were clear and no more snow was falling. Even though he had said he would go home later in the day, he felt that he had overstayed his visit. He slipped out, after leaving a note on the kitchen counter giving Mrs. Paulsen his thanks.

 

After a cold and terrible thirty minutes, Harvey, with sweat freezing to his forehead, made it home. Before he even made it to the driveway, he noticed that there was a car pulled up to the front of his house. It was a nice car- an old, red Mustang. He didn’t think much of it; sometimes cars would pull over in the neighborhood in order to check their maps or ask to use the telephone. However, as Harvey biked past it, he realized that no one was in the car. Whoever was in the car had wandered off somewhere.

Now, Harvey watched a lot of movies- too many, Mrs. Paulsen and his own mother said so- but this was peculiar even for reality. _I could be the inspiration for Home Alone 2,_ he thought to himself. Why else would a vacant car be outside of his house? Harvey was home alone all the time, and _obviously_ people didn’t leave their cars unattended unless they were planning on scouting out a house to rob. Especially a nice Mustang like that one.

Harvey put down his bike on the side of his house as he snooped around the perimeter. If the neighbors were to look out of their windows, they would see a boy tiptoeing around the corner of the Specter household. If a parked car was weird, this was definitely stranger.

 

He stepped closer to the kitchen window, trying to get a view of the inside of the house without showing himself to anyone who might be inside. He saw his mother leaning over the counter, with her dress hiked up and scrunched at her chest as a man fucked her. Her eyes were shut in pleasure, and her lips moved as if she was calling out something. Luckily, through the glass, Harvey couldn’t hear.

A nauseating feeling washed over the boy as a hand raised to his mouth, in an attempt to push back the bile that formed in his throat. He turned away, with his other hand gripping his stomach. He couldn’t believe his eyes.  
_What the fuck?,_ he thought to himself, leaning back on the side of the house. He slid down slowly, before he finally sat on the wet, snowy grass. His pants got soaked, but he could hardly feel the frost due to the sickness which overcame him.

In a twisted curiosity, Harvey turned himself onto his knees and looked into the window once more. With a closer look, he recognized the man.

_Bobby?_

Harvey sat back down on the grass and shook his head frantically. At first, he thought he was seeing things, but with his second glance, it was pretty clear what was happening. Connecting the dots was particularly easy from there.

The car belonged to Bobby.

Bobby was a man that Harvey was familiar with. He was a family friend- his father’s close friend, in fact. It definitely was not something he was expecting from Bobby, who seemed like such a nice man.

But his eyes weren’t deceiving him. It was Bobby who was bending his mother over the kitchen counter in his house- in the _Specter_ house.

The same kitchen counter that he and Marcus ate breakfast every morning. The same place where his father talked happily with his mother, exchanging “I love you”s, and sharing cake every time he came home from a trip.

 

She betrayed him. She betrayed his father. She betrayed the family.

_How could she do this? How can she wake up and live with herself?_

Harvey was not a naïve little boy- he was sixteen now- but his father had definitely been fooled. His father believed in love at first sight, soulmates, and the sanctimony of marriage. And yet, the woman he married was fucking another man under his nose. In his own home. It was vile, and Harvey felt like he was going to vomit.

What was he supposed to do? Interrupt them?

_Donna’s. I’m going to Donna’s._

* * *

Immediately after what he witnessed, Harvey biked to Donna’s house. It was his only place to go, for his home was ruined by his mother. He grabbed the shovel from the Paulsens’ garage and began shovelling their driveway. Anything to get his mind off of that scene.

“Oh, hello. I don’t remember hiring anyone to clean the driveway today,” Donna laughed as she stood at the steps of her house. She was still in the pajamas that Harvey saw her in last night. At least one of them was relaxed.

Harvey rolled his eyes and said, “I do one thing out of the goodness of my heart and I’m attacked for it. Figures. What’s that in your hands?”

“Well, for your services, I bear gifts,” she declared dramatically, raising two cups of hot chocolate with marshmallows.

“Wow, I love you,” Harvey remarked as he accepted the drink.

“I know,” she joked, as she took a sip of her drink.

The two talked for a few more minutes before making their way to Donna’s steps. They sat there, looking at the neighborhood before them, as well as Donna’s half-cleared driveway.

The redhead smirked as she glanced over at her best friend, “You know, if you’re going to clear our road for us, the least you can do is finish it.”

“I didn’t really want to in the first place, maybe I’ll let _you_ finish.”

“Then why do it in the first place? You’re an idiot, Harvey,” Donna teased. She punched his shoulder gently, and he rolled his eyes.

He wondered if he should tell her. After all, Donna was his best friend. However, he felt as if he was standing at the edge of a cliff. If he admitted that his mother was an indecent, disgusting woman who let another man touch her, Harvey would be accepting defeat- he would rather hold a secret in than ruin his family. By never admitting or telling anybody about what he had seen, he would be stepping away from the brink. He remained silent.

“I just needed to get away from the house,” he responded, with no emotion in his voice. He was building a wall between them. With every word, a brick was set down.

Donna looked into Harvey’s eyes; they were sullen. She could tell he was hiding something from her. “So you biked _thirty minutes_ from your house back to mine? There’s definitely something wrong,” she demanded, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he coldly replied.

“Really, Harvey? Because, if you wanted to spend time with me, you could just come in the house. You don’t really have to do-” she gestured to the tossed-aside shovel, “all this.”

“It’s nothing,” he snapped, “It’s nothing, Donna! Can’t I just do one nice thing without being interrogated? Stop prying when nothing’s there.”

He shook his head, frustrated. He hated when Donna got in his head, trying to look too closely. Usually, he would give her the time of day, but now was not the time. There was a wall protecting Harvey, and he would do anything to keep her from finding out.

With a sigh, he got up, indicating that the conversation was over. The brunet handed the empty mug back to Donna and nodded his thanks, before picking up his shovel. He would finish this and then return home.

* * *

Donna placed the empty mugs into the kitchen sink and began to rinse them. Occasionally, she would take a glance out the window to watch Harvey shovel the snow. Although the kindness wasn’t surprising, the action was. Harvey hated shoveling the snow; the two used to rock-paper-scissors to determine who would clean each other’s driveway when they were neighbors.

It was obvious that there was something going on, but Donna knew it was not her place to say something. She would have pressed more, but he had stood up-interrupting her train of thought- and rudely shoved the mug back into her hand. That was a sign that Harvey would be a baby and refuse to communicate like a proper human being. Eventually, she would force it out of him, but she knew now was not the time to.

* * *

 

There was no way around it.

 _She cheated on dad. No, she’s_ **_cheating_ ** _on dad._

Harvey laid in bed at home, as he listened to Wham! on his record player. It was _way_ too happy for the occasion, but the rest of his records were downstairs in his dad’s office. Going downstairs would mean that he would have to see his mother, that vile witch.

How could she live with herself? The moment Harvey saw, he was plagued with a weight on his shoulders which would not leave, no matter how hard he tried to forget. His mother had defiled their home, her marriage, and their family. What hurt the most was that she didn’t have the courage to tell her husband that she no longer loved him.

Although he wanted to tell Donna everything as they sat on the steps, he knew he couldn’t. Donna was his confidant; they told each other everything. She was the first person to find out that he had made the varsity baseball team as a starter. He was the first person to know that she scored a role as a second-tier character, despite only being a sophomore, in the spring play at school.

Unfortunately, this was between his mother and father. She had no business in knowing it. Hell, Harvey wish he didn’t know either. Maybe his father knew and he supported it.

_Okay, it’s dad that we’re talking about._

Mr. Specter would never accept an affair, and telling him would destroy him. It was ironic, Harvey thought, because his father was making an album about finding his true love. And yet, that same “true love” was sleeping with another man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the chapter, please follow me on Twitter: [@nidavellir](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_).  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net, where I go into a little more depth about why I wrote certain things in the chapter/I have a little bit more friendly banter in the author's notes (to accommodate for the lack of linking, lol): [specterspecial](http://fanfiction.net/~specterspecial)  
> \- Edited/proof-read by my great friend [Claire.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/yonhelo)  
> \- Dedicated to Sarah, one of the biggest Darvey shippers I know!


	4. Loser, Spring 1994

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Donna fight.  
> [safe for work | no spoilers]

At last, Harvey and Donna were to graduate high school. They were destined for great things, or at least that was what their parents and teachers said.

Despite turning over a new leaf in life, the two were heading in the same direction. Harvey was going to St. John’s University in Queens, where he would be playing Division One baseball for the Red Storm school, while Donna was headed to New York University’s New York City campus. Harvey majored in business while Donna, against her parents’ wishes, majored in dance and theater.

Before college, Harvey was destined to go to the state championship for their high school baseball team while Donna was doing a month worth of shows as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz in the school musical. She had also participated in a few pistol competitions, ending as a finalist each time.

There was also prom. It was expected that Harvey Specter and Donna Paulsen would go together, even if they said they didn’t like each other in  _ that  _ way. Of course, Donna and Harvey never disappointed, so they planned on going together. However, they denied any and all rumors.

“I don’t care what Stacy said, Jane,” the Donna would remark, “I don’t love Harvey Specter! Okay, well, maybe I love him like a brother. See? He’s a brother to me.”

“Put your head back in your ass, Adam,” Harvey would snap, “I don’t like Donna. Yeah, she’s hot, but I’m not into her. Neither will you be.”

Prom was an ordeal for the two. Although Donna had taught Harvey how to dance, he wasn’t that good at it- which was embarrassing, considering he had great coordination as a star baseball player. They spent time after their activities, every night, learning how to dance to Donna’s Madonna collection. 

“One, two, three, spin!” Donna would count, instructing Harvey to spin her around. It took nearly two months of practice before Harvey learned how to properly dance. Within those two months, all Harvey could hum was Madonna’s songs. His younger brother made fun of him for it, but the songs were too catchy to forget.

The worst of the prom drama came when Donna went dress shopping. Although she could drive herself to the mall, she insisted that Harvey take her. They would be able to pick out a matching tie to pair with her dress.

In the car to Riverside Mall, the two bickered- as usual, because when it came to prom, Donna and Harvey could have no peace.

“I can’t believe I have to go with you to get a dress.”

“I need your approval, Harvey. We’re dates, so we have to look good,  _ together _ .”

“It’s just prom, Donna.”

“Harvey! It’s never  _ just  _ prom! I might find my true love there tonight!”

“What? I thought  _ I  _ was your true love.”

“Harvey?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

The baseball player rolled his eyes and stopped teasing her. Although, truthfully, he had no qualms with going to the mall (besides the fact that his other friends would make fun of him for it, “Little Specter picking out dresses for his girlfriend? So cute!”) because he got to spend time with his best friend.

Donna and Harvey hardly got to spend time together as the school year came to a close. She was always at rehearsal while he was at practice or championship games. When they had free time, they had plans with other friends. Donna would be at the mall while Harvey would be at the infamous baseball team parties. They rarely got to do their weekly movie like they did in middle school. So prom, although chaotic, was a godsend for Harvey and Donna. Even if both of them wouldn’t admit it to each other.

Another thing the two wouldn’t admit was their feelings. Even if they said there was not anything between them, there was  _ something _ , but they both shoved it deep down. They each had dated before, not each other, but in the end, their relationships always came down to “pick me or Donna” or “pick me or Harvey!”

With the two being each other’s prom dates, it was clear which one both Donna and Harvey picked. It was their stubborn behavior which led them to a stalemate in their relationship, but also Harvey’s fears.

Ever since he caught his mother cheating two years ago, Harvey could not find himself wanting to be committed to a woman. He had believed in love like his father, but found out that true love was an illusion- for the woman his father loved did not love him. Harvey’s father did not know, but his son had seen more than a handful of men pass through the Specter household. None of those men were Gordon Specter.

It wasn’t right, Harvey knew, to blame his mother for his lack of commitment. Yet, every time he imagined himself in a long term relationship, he felt nervous and shook the thoughts away immediately. Even though he would love to be with Donna in  _ that _ way, he could not risk losing her. Not to mention the fact that, just as his mother cheated, Donna could cheat too. Even though he didn’t see Donna as a conniving woman like his mother, he wasn’t willing to risk it.

Donna, on the other hand, was afraid of destroying what they had; a friendship built over ten years. If they had a falling out as a couple, they could never go back to the amiability that they had as friends. It wouldn’t work. Because Donna was afraid of destroying her friendship, she reserved her feelings.

In the mall, Donna found herself bouncing from boutique to boutique, before she finally settled on a teal, strapless dress which complemented her copper red hair. She tried it on for Harvey and strut out of the dressing room looking like a princess.

“What do you think?”

Harvey whistled and winked at her.

“Lookin’ good, Donna.”

“I know,” she winked back.

For Harvey, she picked out a teal tie out of her price range, but she got anyways. Beauty was pain, and if that pain was to her wallet, so be it. Her best friend protested, saying that he could deal with a green or blue tie, but Donna ignored his cries. They were going to be the best dressed couple at prom, whether he liked it or not.

Once prom rolled around, the two looked like king and queen. Donna, with her copper red hair in an updo, and Harvey, with his teal tie which matched Donna’s dress, wooed the crowd equally. Not only that, their dancing was insane- her drills and practice sessions paying off.

They danced, laughed, and sang through prom. When the after party came, Harvey drove them to his friend’s house, the co-captain of the baseball team, Adam. There were equal parts drinking and smoking, of which the two did not participate. Even though Harvey was certain he got a second-hand high, they spent most of the time babysitting their friends.

“Oh I can’t drink, I’m driving Harvey home,” Donna would politely say, shoving away the beers. She hated driving; Harvey would be driving, but her friends didn’t need to know that.

“C’mon man, big game tomorrow. Gotta give it my A game, we’re going to states!” Harvey grinned as he handed the joint back to his friends, “Maybe after we take home the state trophy we can have fun.”

Eventually, the two got tired of taking care of their friends and they went back home.

“That was fun,” Donna began, as she looked out of the window of the car, “I wish Jackie wasn’t so high off her rocker though. I wanted to talk about how nice Adam looked.”

Harvey snorted as he took a glance over at his prom date.

“C’mon, when you got your looker of a date right here?”

Although he could not see it, he felt Donna’s eyes give him a glare.

“I’m serious, Harvey. You think I have a chance with Adam? He’s going to NYU, after all. Maybe we’ll hit it off.”

“Oh sure, I’ll just set you two up,” he sneered, “you’ll be lovebirds.”

“Harvey-.”

“What?”

The baseball player pulled into Donna’s driveway and turned off the engine. The full moon illuminated her face, tinted red in embarrassment and anger.

“What, Donna?” he asked, tilting his head in confusion. It was just a joke.

“Are you  _ jealous _ ?”

Harvey scoffed, “Why would I be jealous? You’re not my girlfriend. It was just a joke.”

“You sure seem like it. You’re being a dick.”

“How am I being a dick? I said ‘you’ll be lovebirds.’”

“I’m supposed to take that as a compliment?” she jabbed, “Harvey, you don’t compliment people. You insult them. You make them feel less than you.”

“You’re accusing me of being a dick because I’m being  _ nice? _ ”

Donna grabbed her purse from beneath the seat and unbuckled herself.

“No, Harvey, I’m saying you’re jealous and won’t admit it. Good night. Call me when you’re about to leave. I’ll bring the thumbtacks and can opener over.”

She opened the door and left. Harvey, annoyed, tried to grab her arm, but she was too quick. He quickly unbuckled and got out of the car too.

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean, Donna?”

As she made her way up the steps, she scowled. “Figure it out yourself, genius!”

* * *

 The day after prom was rough; Donna was visibly grumpy and so was Harvey. When she came down for breakfast, her hair was undone and there were mascara stains on her eyelids. Mrs. Paulsen gasped, sitting at her spot at the dining table before quickly getting up to inspect her daughter.

“What happened last night, Donna? You look like a mess!”

The redhead waved her mother away as she patted down her hair and moved to her seat.

“It’s nothing, mom. Don’t worry about it.”

Her mother sighed, “Did you and Harvey have a fight?”

Donna shot her a look.

“Why the look? You guys were  _ loud _ .”

Across town, at Harvey’s house, the baseball player was still in bed. He was staring at his ceiling as the fan spun round and round. It was only when his father knocked at his door that he got up.

“Harv, you good?”

Groaning, he rolled off his bed and answered the door.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Mr. Specter rolled his eyes as he rustled his kid’s hair.

“Whatever you say, son. You made quite the ruckus last night, stompin’ in here. You woke your mother up.”

“She’ll be fine,” Harvey grunted. It was one thing to be angry at Donna, but mentioning his mother made it all the more terrible.

“Get up, kiddo. You’ll have to eat breakfast eventually. Big game today! You leave in two hours. Don’t forgot to call Donna, bud.”

The baseball star sighed as he went to brush his teeth.

He stared down his reflection as he brushed.

_ I’m not fucking calling Donna. Not until she apologizes for making a big deal out of nothing. Screw the ritual. I don’t need luck, I’m going to St. John’s! _

* * *

 Harvey stepped onto the plate, twirling his bat with confidence. He was grinning from ear to ear. His team was up two points; there was no way the enemy was winning. Harvey didn’t lose. His number, number one, only affirmed that.

The announcers began to chat up a frenzy as they noticed that he was returning to the plate. So far, Harvey had scored all of the points for his team.

“Up at bat again, Riverside’s number one, Harvey Specter. Heard he’s going to the Red Storm at St. John’s, what do you have to say about that, Bob?”

“Y’know, Jim, I think he’ll have a great season there. He’ll probably go pro!”

“Yeah, with a batting average of .385, there’s no way he’s not. This is the final district match, and then Harvey will be playing at states. Now, he’s getting ready to hit.”

At the bat, Harvey readied himself.

_ One last hit. Come on, Specter. _

“And here’s the throw!” the announcer cried.

_ Go! _

Harvey swung; he swung hard. As the ball made contact with the wood, he felt a pop and heard a crack. That couldn’t be good.

The crack was from his baseball bat, but the pop was not a sound that a bat made. A searing pain shot through Harvey’s body. His shoulder dislocated, and the pain caused him to fall to the ground. The dust from the fall got in his eyes, and he tried his damned best not to cry.

“Get up, Specter! Run!” his coach yelled, before realizing that something was wrong.

The crowd grew silent. Robert, one of the announcers, leaned into his microphone and said quietly, “Looks like Riverside’s number one has dislocated his shoulder. I don’t think he’s going pro now, Jim.”

* * *

 Weeks passed since the big game. Due to Harvey’s injury, the enemy team got motivated and back into the swing of things. Harvey’s team lost by one point.

Not only that, Donna and Harvey’s argument was never addressed. In fact, ever since he dislocated his shoulder, Harvey avoided his best friend. Donna had heard the news the moment he was in the hospital, thanks to his parents, but he had nothing to say to her when she was put on the line.

Unfortunately, Donna knew she was going to be the one to have to talk to him first.

The two shared a home economics class, and they were partners. The past two weeks that they had worked together, they worked together in utter silence. The only thing Harvey said to her was “pass the spatula,” three days ago.

Before class began, Donna marched to Harvey’s locker, angry and hurt.

“Harvey,” she whined.

“What?” he snapped back, without looking away from the insides of his locker.

“Talk to me. You haven’t talked to me since prom.”

Harvey slammed his locker shut and zipped his backpack. The two began to walk down the halls to home ec.

“Harvey,” Donna begged, “Please. If you’re mad about prom, I’m sorry. God, Harvey, I just wanted you to admit that you were bothered.”

He stepped to the side of the hall, and looked her in her eyes.

“Donna, I don’t give a damn about who the hell you date. Get over it.”

“ _ I’m  _ over it. Clearly you aren’t. You haven’t talked to me for two weeks! Two weeks.”

“Maybe it’s because you didn’t show up before my game.”

Donna gasped in shock. He was blaming her for  _ his  _ accident? His overexertion at the game that she didn't even know that he left for? He was supposed to let her know. She stepped back into the middle of the hall and stormed off to class. Harvey trailed behind.

“You’re blaming  _ me _ for  _ your _ mistake. I can’t believe you,” she shouted behind her.

Harvey scoffed, “You didn’t come over. We didn’t do the ritual.”

“And? That’s  _ your _ fault for not calling me.”

The two entered class and sat down at their kitchen station, waiting for the bell to ring. Their voices dropped, for they did not want anyone eavesdropping on their conversation.

“You were mad at me.  _ You  _ never apologized. How am I supposed to know that it’s okay to call you?”

“Because I god damn said to, Harvey!” Donna yelled.

Anna and Brittney, who were sitting at the station besides them, shot the two a look and the rest of the class was silent. Their classmates stared at them.

“Sorry,” Harvey said to the class, his cheeks flush.

“Just admit it,” Donna said, her voice quiet again, “Me trying to date Adam bothers you. That’s why you didn’t call me, that’s why we didn’t do the ritual, and that’s why you’re projecting the result of your injury onto me. When in reality, you injured your arm because you’re too damn cocky. And jealous!”

“Now where the hell did you get that idea? I don’t care who you date- it wasn’t a big deal. You made it an issue that night. You stormed off, telling me to basically go fuck myself. I can’t call you when you’re angry- whenever I do that you never pick up!”

“I  _ told _ you to call, Harvey! How many times do I have to say that? I was hurt, not angry. I wanted you to admit that you didn’t like the idea of it because you talked to me with that dickish attitude. I know how much that stupid game means to you, I would  _ never  _ purposely skip the stupid ritual! I didn’t even know you left! Why would I ever leave you?”

Tears forming in her eyes, Donna grabbed her backpack and ran out.

Harvey baked the cookies alone.

* * *

 The next month before school ended, Harvey and Donna did not talk. The only time they spoke to each other was for their parents. Sometimes Mrs. Specter needed a magazine that Mrs. Paulsen owned, so Harvey was sent over to fetch it. Other times, Mrs. Paulsen needed Mr. Specter’s wrench, so Donna had to ask for it.

When graduation came and went, they posed for pictures but they did not exchange words. It was not until the day they left for their colleges that they spoke. Harvey had shown up at Donna’s door right before he was to leave. Finally, after stewing for that long, he came to his senses.

Opening her door, Donna’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Harvey,” she said, clearing her throat. She was rather shocked that he had shown up.

He nodded, “Donna.”

“I...I didn’t expect you to come around. I hope you like St. John’s.”

“I didn’t want to leave without a goodbye.”

Nervously, she whispered, “You’ll still come visit me, right?”

“Will you visit me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll visit you too,” he replied quietly.

From the car, which Donna hadn’t even registered was parked in her driveway, Gordon called for Harvey. Sadly, the former baseball player turned to the redhead and gave her a small smile as a goodbye.   
“See you around, Donna.”

“See you around, Harvey.”

“Keep in touch,” he said, touching her shoulder gently.

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the chapter, please follow me on Twitter: [@nidavellir_.](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_)  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net, where I go into a little more depth in the A/N: [specterspecial](https://www.fanfiction.net/~specterspecial)  
> \- Edited/proof-read by my great friend [Claire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonhelo)  
> \- Dedicated to Sarah, one of the biggest Darvey shippers I know!


	5. See You Again, Winter 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Donna celebrate success.  
> [safe for work | no spoilers]

Harvey and Donna kept in touch by messaging each other through AIM, writing letters, and sending postcards whenever they saw a new, tacky postcard in their university’s gift shop. However, a gap grew between them and the distance increased every day. It was only during Thanksgivings, when Harvey and Donna’s family would eat together, that they would talk face to face. Once they graduated, their interactions became sparse. It was only the occasional IM which kept them in contact.

Donna focused on her dream to be a star in the theater; she was in dozens of off-Broadway productions. For the most part, Donna was able to get roles easily. However, her roles did not pay the bills as easily as she would have liked. She was forced to be a temporary worker at offices, filing papers and doing other secretarial work to keep the lights on. Even though being a secretary was steadier compared to her theater gig, she never wanted to be a full-time office worker. Theater was her passion and she wanted to hit it big.

On the other hand, Harvey focused on his newly found passion: corporate law. Unfortunately, Harvey had no way of paying for law school. His debts from college needed to be paid off before any student loan company would give him money.

Although Mr. Specter offered to pay off Harvey’s debts and pay for law school, Harvey would rather work for it instead of take handouts. He also knew that, despite his father’s offering, Gordon needed money. Whenever Harvey was in Riverside, he would quietly place a check on his father’s desk. His mother didn’t bring anything to the table; she was too busy spending her money on her affair. 

 

The desire to go to law school led him to work for a top-notch law firm: Gordon, Schmidt, Van Dyke. Although he did not practice law, he got to experience the work environment from the mailroom. He acquainted himself with the partners and associates, hoping that one day he would join their ranks. Strangely enough, through working in the mailroom, he was able to go to Harvard Law.

After pointing out a mistake to Jessica Pearson, a senior partner who had grown on Harvey, she decided that Harvey deserved to be a part of the law firm as more than just a mail boy. She promised that if he continued to maintain his high morals and apply to Harvard Law, she would guarantee a spot for him at Gordon, Schmit, Van Dyke. Not only that, she would pay for Harvey’s schooling if he got into Harvard Law. Despite his protests, that he was completely capable of handling himself and paying for it, Jessica’s charms led him straight to Harvard on a prepaid plan.

Before leaving, he broke the news to his father, who was brought to tears. His father was usually an overdramatic, sentimental man, but even Harvey shed a few tears when he realized he was making his father proud. His father had a son who was going to be a lawyer at one of the best firms in New York- hell, one of the best law firms in the entire country.

Even more, although he was hesitant, he had to share the good news with his best friend. At first, she was unreachable. He called at different hours in the day throughout the week and she did not answer. Harvey was afraid that he had done something wrong- though the last thing that he had done wrong (and arguably, she had done wrong too) was in high school. He had figured that they moved past that. What else could there be?

The night before he was to leave for Harvard, with his apartment all packed up and boxes strewn around the room, Harvey tried to call Donna’s cellphone one last time.

“Hello?” she said as she picked up the phone.

“Donna!”

“Yes Harvey, it’s me, Donna.”

“I’m going to law school.”

“Congratulations, Harvey. I knew you could do it.”

“Jessica Pearson is paying for it.”

“She is? That’s amazing. You’re going to law school _and_ you’re debt free.”  
“We should celebrate.”

“We should. There’s a bar on 9th.”

“I’ll be there. See you soon, Donna.”

“Looking forward to it.”

* * *

Harvey entered the bar and immediately spotted Donna. Her red hair was hard to miss in a sea of blondes and brunettes. She was talking to a guy, a guy he did not know, and drinking a martini. He stared at her drink for a moment, noticing the graham cracker topping which laced the glass.

_ A key lime-tini?  _ Harvey said to himself, trying not to laugh,  _ C’mon Donna...I thought you were better than that.  _

Not trying to interrupt her immediately, Harvey ordered a beer and then came over.

“Donna,” he said while smiling and looking at the man. He wasn’t half the looker that Harvey was, and he wasn’t about to become a future lawyer.

“This your boyfriend you been waitin’ for?” the stranger said, with a bit of annoyance in his voice. It was clear that he was hitting on Donna.

She laughed, “Yeah. This is Harvey. So could you back off now?”

Although it was not something that Harvey would admit, his face turned flush. Luckily, in the dark lighting of the bar, it wasn’t visible. He flashed the stranger a smile and gestured with beer in hand for the guy to politely “f off.”

Once the guy left, Harvey leaned in and whispered, “So, I’m your boyfriend now, huh?”

“In your dreams.”

He winked as she took a large sip of her drink.

“Are you really drinking a-”

“A key lime-tini? Yes, Harvey, I have taste,” she interrupted.

“Let me guess, you like apple-tinis too?”

“You bet your ass I do.”

He laughed, “I leave you alone for a few years and  _ this _ is what you become.”

“I’ll have you know that a martini is a very respectable drink!”

“Yeah, and Miller Lite is more than just water.”

She snorted, “Okay, you got me there. Congratulations, by the way.” She lifted her glass.

Harvey smiled as he tapped her glass with his bottle and said, “I can’t believe I’m going to Harvard.”

“I know, right? Just the other day we were playing baseball and dancing.”

He chuckled, for his past with Donna was long and, for the most part, happy. He would kill to be an elementary schooler again, just so they could spend more time together.

“You have any acting gigs?”

“No, not right now. I’ve been busy. Secretarial duties at Bratton Gould.”

“Bratton Gould? A law firm? Why don’t you work at GSVD?”

“Harvey, that would make this,” she sighed while waving her hand back and forth in reference to themselves, “less of a friendship and more of a business relationship. I don’t date coworkers.”

Harvey scoffed, “We’re not dating.”

“Aren’t we? I just told that guy that I knew you were planning on marrying me, ” she laughed. 

“As much as I’d like to,” he smirked, “we wouldn’t even be on the same floor.”

“I didn’t plan on working permanently for Bratton Gould. I was just a temp until god damn  _ Lisa _ fell and broke her ankle. She used it as an excuse to quit, so I filled in for her. I’ll be out of it eventually.”

“Good.”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you be here when I come back?”

Confused, she said, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Make a promise to me, Donna.”

“Well, I need to hear it first.”

“Be my secretary when I come back.”

“Harvey, you know I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’m serious about my acting career. I don’t want to be weighed down by a job if I’m getting roles left and right.”

Harvey frowned, “I never said you had to be anchored to me. You can take evenings off early to do auditions if you needed to.”

She raised her eyebrows, “Really? You’d let me do that?”

“Of course. I want front row seats for when you make it.”

Donna put her hand out, satisfied with the deal, and Harvey shook it.

“It’s settled then. I look forward to working with you, Ms. Paulsen.”

“And I to you, Mr. Specter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the chapter, please follow me on Twitter: [@nidavellir_](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_). And leave a review & kudos!  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net, where I go into a little more depth in the A/N: [specterspecial](https://www.fanfiction.net/~specterspecial)  
> \- Edited/proof-read by my great friend [Claire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonhelo)  
> \- Dedicated to Sarah, one of the biggest Darvey shippers I know!


	6. Face Reality, Spring 2000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey faces reality.  
> [no spoilers | safe for work | infidelity ]

He had a recurring nightmare that only happened whenever he was leaving the campus to go back to New York.

_It’s night time, and he’s back in Riverside. The house is empty and pitch black. The only way he can make his way through the home is with his hands. Harvey follows the hallways with one hand dragging against the rough walls and the other awkwardly stuck out in front of him, to protect him from crashing face first into a cabinet. He sees the faint outlines of people in the family photos thanks to the dim light of the moon. His face is always scratched out in the photos, but he never can understand why. Harvey’s dream self, after spending some time looking at the family photos, walks aimlessly until he reaches the stairwell which leads up to the bedrooms._

_He always, without fail, stops at the stairs. He looks left and right, as if someone else is making the decision for him to go up the stairs. There’s nothing harmless up there, and yet his dream version is so hesitant._

_Eventually, after some inner reflection, Harvey climbs up the stairs and goes to his bedroom. He opens the door and sees the same thing every single time._

_Lily, his mother, lays in his bed. She is presumably naked, because there is a sheet covering her body and there is no fabric which rests on her shoulders. As he passes the threshold, Bobby, her lover, comes into view. He’s on Harvey’s bed and under the covers too, with his arm around Lily’s shoulder. It’s obvious they were doing something indecent on his bed. He smiles perversely, as if he’s happy that Harvey has caught them in the act once again._

_“Hey Sport,” Bobby jeers. “Lily’s a better lay compared to my last bitch.”_

_Harvey is always offended by his mother being compared to a bitch- but he never fights back. He just stands there and takes the blows._

_“What, you’re not going to run to daddy? Tell him how Bobby’s been fucking his whore?”_

_“When your daddy finds out you knew all this time, he’ll never trust you again.”_

_It goes on for what seems like an eternity, but it only ends when his mother finally speaks up, after cozying closer to her lover. It’s like hearing her son be put down excites her._

_“You’re disgusting,” she always laughs, in that ugly, derisive tone she uses whenever he threatens to tell Gordon about the affair. “You don’t care about your dad, you care about yourself. I tell you that you’ll break up the family if you tell, but that’s not the reason why you don’t. You’re hiding it because you’re afraid of feeling alone. Face it, sweetheart. You_ **_are_ ** _alone. No more Donna to crawl to, no mommy to cry to, and no real family to come home to.”_

_When Lily begins to speak, the ground starts to crumble. It always starts slow, but as her words come to an end, there is a gaping hole and Harvey is at the edge. Once she stops talking, he drops down into the dark hole, into nothingness._

Once he starts to fall, he wakes up just like every other time. Tonight was no exception. He woke up, drenched in a cold sweat and his heart thumped like it was trying to break out of his chest. Following the normal routine that he had set for these types of nightmares, Harvey kicked off the blanket and went to the bathroom to wash his face.

After splashing cold water onto his face, Harvey brushed his teeth, and then spent a few minutes looking into the mirror. _Coward_ , he told himself, before drying off his face and heading back into his dorm.

Due to his bed being soaked with sweat, he never went back to sleep on these types of nights. He took a quick glance at the clock- it was four in the morning. It was always around four that these nightmares would wake him up. With a soft sigh, he peeled off the bedsheets and tossed them into a hamper along with his sweat-stained t-shirt and boxers. He changed into a hoodie and sweatpants, grabbed his MP3 player, picked up the hamper, and went for a run to the laundromat to clean his belongings.

Every time after his New York nightmare ritual, Harvey would return back to his dorm, pack his bag, and head out to catch his flight to go home. This time was no different.

Exiting the cab, Harvey stared at the front of his house from the driveway as the taxi sped away. _Too late to go back now,_ he thought.

* * *

Whenever he stood in front of his house after being away for a long time, he felt like the building loomed over him. His mother had violated his sanctuary, and now it was nothing more to him than an evil stack of bricks which held a monster and her unfortunate victims.

He begrudgingly grabbed his bag from where he dumped it on the ground and headed into the beast’s lair.

 

Before he could even catch his breath, the moment he unlocked the door and took a step into the house, he noticed Bobby walking down the stairs. What a great way to be welcomed home. It wasn’t like he _just_ had a nightmare about the same thing happening just a few hours before.

His mother’s lover made eye contact with him. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to shut the door yet. Anger shot through his veins.

“Are you kidding me?” the brunet growled, “You _know_ I’m coming home today. The least you can do is fuck somewhere else.”

He turned to leave, but he was interrupted by his mother’s voice yelling his name. Frustrated, he turned back around.

“Harvey!” she called, as she pushed past Bobby to make her way down the stairs,  “Welcome home.” She opened her arms and approached him for a hug.

Immediately, Harvey stepped backwards, out of his house and into the driveway. He didn’t want that monster touching him.

“Really warm welcome you have for me,” he spat, “Bringing Bobby over. You gonna tell me he’s my new dad now?”

Hurt, Lily began, “Come o-”

He cut her off.

“Don’t ‘come on’ me,” he said bitterly, “I’m not coming home ‘til dinner.”

Not giving her a chance to make up any more excuses, he walked away. He slung his bag over his shoulder and grabbed his bicycle from the garage. He’d go somewhere else. Where? He didn’t know, but anywhere was better than here.

* * *

He mindlessly rode down the sidewalks, and before he knew it, he was in front of Donna’s house. He felt like he was sixteen again, and he was just finding out about his mother’s affair.

At the thought, his chest tightened, squeezing every terrible memory from that day back into his mind. He had snapped at Donna even though she was trying to comfort him. Perhaps, he thought, this holiday he would try to make things right. 

Despite having the key to the Paulsen household, Harvey figured that it would be rude to barge in so suddenly, considering he had not visited the house since the summer. Donna might not even be in the house- she did have her own apartment in the city, after all. Whatever the case may be, the brunet just needed a place to crash until dinner. So, he knocked a few times on the door. 

After a moment, he heard shuffling and then the door opened. There stood Jennifer, Donna’s mother, smiling brightly as always. The strawberry blonde woman and her redheaded daughter had so many resemblances, from their beautiful smiles to their striking heights. 

“Harvey!” Mrs. Paulsen gasped, surprised at the boy’s visit, “What are you doing here? Should I call Donna? She’s coming over tomorrow bu-”

He interrupted her with a laugh. “It’s fine, Jennifer,” he nodded, peering over her shoulder to look into the house. It still looked the same after all these years. “I just wanted to drop by and say hi. Can I come in?”

The blonde nodded happily and stepped away from the door, opening it more to welcome her unexpected guest. Harvey had grown taller, more muscular, and handsome, she thought. Even though she had secretly wished that Harvey and Donna got together when they were younger, now was an even better time to.

Quickly, Jennifer went to the kitchen to grab Harvey some snacks while he helped himself to sitting down on the couch. Secretly, Donna’s mom always bought Oreos in hopes that two children would visit her more often. Harvey answered those prayers this one time. She brought them over to the Harvard student in a nice little tray, the same tray she used back when they were neighbors and the two kids would drop by the house for snacks. 

“You kept it,” he laughed, as she handed him the set. She nodded as he eagerly popped a cookie in his mouth and hummed in pleasure. It had been awhile since he had one of them. Unlike the other Harvard students, who could afford to go out every night and get absolutely hammered, Harvey was stuck in his dorm getting high on cheap weed with his dorm mates and snacking on stale potato chips maybe once a month. It was nice having your schooling paid for, but an allowance would be nice too. For meals, he usually stuck to a chicken salad he had mastered, but if money was good that month from tutoring his peers, he would splurge on burgers that he’d make for himself and friends. 

After a brief silence, because Harvey was far too indulged with the Oreos, Mrs. Paulsen spoke up. 

“What’s wrong, Harvey?” she asked, her head tilting slightly as she looked at the boy. Like mother like daughter, their weird ability to read people seemed to be genetic. It was clear on Harvey’s face (although Harvey was easier to read than most people) that he was stressed. 

“Nothing,” the brunet muttered, looking down at the empty snack tray for a brief moment. He squirmed in his seat, clearly uncomfortable that Mrs. Paulsen asked a question he knew she wouldn’t want the answer to. After all, would anyone like to know their best friend was a dirty cheater?

Jennifer sighed and she stood up to place a gentle hand on his shoulder, providing him a small comfort. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it with me,” she sighed, rubbing his shoulder, “Donna will be here tomorrow. Why don’t you drop by then? You’re always welcome to stay in your old room tonight, I still clean the sheets.”

 _My God,_ Harvey thought, _This woman is a saint._

He gave her a small smile and shook his head sadly, “I have to go back for dinner, but maybe I’ll sleep over tomorrow. Thanks, Jennifer.”

The two hugged and Harvey went back to face reality.

* * *

Parking his bicycle at the side of the garage, Harvey reluctantly made his way into the house. There was chatter coming from the kitchen, and the unsettling feeling in his chest sank. It felt like he was coming home to a family. 

Dumping his overnight bag by the coat rack, Harvey walked into the kitchen and saw the whole family sitting around the dining room table, laughing. He felt like he was home. He could forgive his mother for a minute and forget what she had done. 

“Hey, Harvey!” Gordon cheered, “Welcome home!” The rest of the family clapped. It seemed like his mother didn’t reveal the earlier visit he had made. 

Harvey grinned from ear to ear as he took his spot at the dinner table. Lily had made his favorite: chicken parmesan. Maybe this house was alright after all. 

“What’s up, douche nugget?” Marcus, his younger brother, laughed as he punched the older in the shoulder. “Got any cool Harvard hookups?”

The brunet rolled his eyes, “Shut up, dumbass. Pass the sauce.” 

His brother snorted and passed the bowl, and the four caught up on what Harvey had missed. 

 

“...so yeah, I’m getting a Mustang today,” Marcus said, ending his story about how he totaled his crappy old scrap of a car. The family laughed as Harvey looked around, noticing everyone had finished their dessert. He took up his old responsibility of cleaning up and went to grab everyone’s plates, but his mother tried to stop him. 

She touched his hand, and he resisted the urge to drop the plate and pull back. He put aside his anger, but it didn’t change the fact that it was still there. 

“Oh come on, sweetheart, you just got here! You don’t have to do the dishes,” she smiled, trying to take the plates away. 

He shook his head and continued to pick up the dishes. “I’ll do them,” he said with determination. He took them to the sink and immediately began to wash them, while his brother got up and went to the window by the front entrance. 

“Hey, my car is here!” He shouted, garnering the attention of his father, making Gordon get up to grab the door for the guest. Harvey finished cleaning dishes, and walked over to the door with a dish and towel in hand, to see the new car. 

Before he could even step out of the kitchen, he saw the car’s owner walk into the house. Everything seemed to slow, and a lump formed in his throat. He was going to vomit. 

“Hello Bobby,” his father said, as Harvey’s eyes began to water. “You remember Harvey, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Bobby laughed with a wave, “How do you do, Sport?”

As if something inside of him malfunctioned, Harvey was struck with a dizzying sensation. His grip on the dinner plate was released, and it shattered on the floor into small fragments. 

“Harvey!” Gordon yelled, approaching his son, “Why’d you drop the plate?”

He could not speak. The lump in his throat seemed to be traveling upwards, and if he didn’t get out, he would burst. He frantically pushed past his father, Marcus, and Bobby to run out of the house and towards town. His father ran out of the house too, yelling at him as the boy broke into a sprint, away from the house. 

 

“One two, one two!” The boxing coach commanded as Harvey punched the pads. He had gone to the only other place he considered safe: the boxing club. 

He had been going here since he was a little kid, when his father forced him to learn how to throw punches and take them. He had told Harvey that it was a man eats man world, and that he needed to protect himself some way or another- boxing was one of those ways. 

When he arrived at the club, he had vomited. He spent a horrible amount of time dry heaving into the toilet before his dinner decided to come up. Now, he was doing what his father had taught him- protecting himself. Only, he wasn’t protecting himself from a person, rather, he was protecting himself from admitting the truth to his father. Living with the guilt was unbearable, and even though it wasn’t Harvey’s fault that his mother decided to be a cheater, he felt like he enabled her to do so. 

He continued to spar the boxing coach until his father interrupted them. 

“Marty,” Gordon said, gesturing for the man to leave the ring, “Let the old man box with his son, will ya?”

The feeling in Harvey’s throat came back, and he felt lightheaded. What was his father doing here? Marty left the ring and his father replaced him. The boy looked away, in an attempt to blow off nausea and avoid humiliation. 

Gordon approached the boy, hitting his gloves together in a threatening manner.

“Dad-” Harvey began, before being interrupted by his father’s punch.

He blocked, with little effort, but quickly realized that his father was angry. Although he had every right to be, the emotions which piled up on Harvey’s back were too much to carry. His father’s disappointment broke him down.

“You disrespected me,” Gordon grunted, as he tried to land a hit on his son, “In my house!”

Although he always respected his father’s words, the claim was a shock to him. Harvey only left to protect Gordon, and yet, here Gordon was, stomping on his gesture.

“You don’t understand,” the son argued, countering his father’s hits, “I’m helping you.”

“No, you’re disrespecting me, Harvey! What happened to my son?”

 _What happened to your son?_ the brunet thought, _Your son is here, protecting you!_ Anger seared through his veins; how was he supposed to be the one to blame for his mother’s indecency?

“ _I_ disrespected you?” Harvey spat, “She’s the one who’s making me do this- she’s the one who sleeps with other people in your bed!” 

As the words left his mouth, Harvey felt everything crash down on his shoulders. The carelessness of his actions, letting his anger and disgust get to him, had hurt the man he respected most.

His father stepped back from him, looking hurt and confused.

A wave of nausea overcame over the boy. He tried to make it right, by taking it back.

“Dad, I...I was just saying that to-”

“No you weren’t,” his father muttered, “What do you mean, she was sleeping with other people? Who is _she_?”

Before Harvey could have a chance to respond, the older Specter closed in on him, grabbing him by his shirt collar. “Tell me!”

The ground was crumbling underneath Harvey. Everything he had done to prevent this had failed due to his brashness. He heard the echoes of his dream, his mother calling him a coward, only hiding it from his father to protect himself. Was she wrong? He knew what would happen if he told the truth- _this_ was what was happening, _this_ was what he was afraid of.

“Mom...It’s mom. She doesn’t love you,” He admitted, with his voice barely above a whisper. His world was falling apart, and all he wanted to do was disappear. Sensing his father’s grip weaken on his shirt, he pushed his father off, and Gordon fell to the boxing ring floor.

He looked at the man below him, so foolish and trusting.

“She’s been cheating on you,” he mumbled, “Right under your nose.”

* * *

The next day, Harvey left the house. He no longer felt welcomed in his own home. Lily hailed a taxi to her parents’ house in Tribeca, Marcus accused Harvey of being the real home wrecker, and Gordon refused to leave his room ever since they returned from the boxing club. 

Unfortunately, his flight back to Boston was not for another two days. He went to the only place which had not been a part of the battle: Donna’s house. He laid on the couch in the living room while the morning news droned on. The redhead would return today, and Harvey would have to break the news to her. Apparently, Jennifer had heard from Lily herself, through a phone call last night.

She understood Harvey’s pain, welcoming him into the house with a warm embrace. Already, on the coffee table by the couch, were a few of Harvey and Donna’s favorite movies, a glass of water, and some cut fruit. It was like she was psychic and knew Harvey would be running to the Paulsen house. 

He stared at the ceiling and watched the fan spin round and round before his thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the front door. He peeked his head up over the couch and saw Donna, dressed in a turquoise dress. She seemed restless, as if she had just gotten back from work or another audition.

Almost immediately, her posture straightened because she noticed the little head which was sticking out of the couch. It was clearly Harvey- no one else had that little mole above their eye. Around Harvey, Donna was always on her best behavior. After all, he would one day become her boss.

“Harvey,” she said, with a hint of disbelief in her voice. The redhead had not expected the other to pay her a visit until after he graduated from law school. She took off her heels and tossed them to the side before approaching her friend. 

Quietly, he sat up and gave her a thin smile, “Donna. Hey.”

“Hi…,” she replied, puzzled, “Why aren’t you at home?”

“It’s a long story,” he murmured, patting the seat next to him. “You wanna hear?”

 

“I...wow, Harvey,” Donna said, while placing a hand her friend’s shoulder for comfort. Although she knew that Mrs. Specter was hiding something- she could sense it whenever she spent time with the woman, she had not expected it to be something so astronomical.

Harvey nodded silently, letting her take in the situation. Just explaining it took a lot of courage, and that drained him beyond belief. He didn’t believe that he could lose, but right now, he felt like wasn’t going to win this battle against his mother’s infidelity.

Leaning over, Donna wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly. Despite all of his suffering these past few days, the redhead was able to provide Harvey some relief. He, with some hesitation, hugged her back and leaned his forehead onto her shoulder. Although he despised looking vulnerable, this once would be an exception. He needed this.

“We’re here for you, Harvey,” Donna whispers, slowly rubbing her hand up and down the man’s back. “ _I’m_ here for you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the chapter, please follow me on Twitter: [@nidavellir_](http://twitter.com/nidavellir_). And leave a review & kudos!  
> \- Crossposted on FF.Net, where I go into a little more depth in the A/N: [specterspecial](https://www.fanfiction.net/~specterspecial)  
> \- Unbeta'd this time around, sorry for any mistakes. If you notice any, please point them out.  
> \- Dedicated to Sarah, one of the biggest Darvey shippers I know!


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